Just the heart.

There is a scene in the Chosen from Season 2. Mary of Magdala has left Jesus and the group and gone for what we would call in Nashville, a weekend on Broadway. Jesus sends out Matthew and Peter to go and find her, and when they see her, they find her drunk and ashamed. 

As they find her, she tells them that she can’t come back to face Him. Matthew doesn’t shame her or try to say to her an uplifting quote to do better. Matthew is a tax collector and is despised by Peter and many Jews. Tax collectors were the Benedict Arnolds of the Israel nation. He had betrayed his Jewish roots in favor of Rome’s ability to pay him for helping carry out heavy taxes on his own people. Not only was he the IRS, but he was the IRS that went to his brother and said, “Nah, fam, I’m gonna dig and find more than you could even imagine.”

Matthew shares that his own fault, his own shame, and speaks to how Mary where she is at. He tells her that she has helped him in his studies of the Torah. Something, she herself has just begun to study. Peter chimes in and speaks of the influence she had over the four people who lowered their friend through the roof of Zebedee’s house for Jesus to heal his paralysis. To battle the past, we have to bring our past to the outstretched arms of Jesus on the Cross.

Mary says that she has faith in Him, just not faith in herself. 

When Mary returns, the disciples greet her with warmth and comfort, but she asks, "Where is Jesus?"

Mary enters the tent of the Son of God, and He is kneeling in deep prayer. He affirms that His prayer is not because of her. The Lord assures her that she hasn’t caused His heartache. Her face is riddled with shame and fear. He tells her, “He doesn’t require much.” She counters with, “You redeemed me, and I threw it all away.” The Lord replies, “It wouldn’t be much of a redemption if you could throw it away in a day.” 

As someone like Mary, who knows that I owe God everything, I’ve struggled with trying to “repay” God.

As Mary speaks from a place of shame, God speaks from His grace. 

The Lord affirms that He wants her heart. She doesn’t have to live up to anything. Just give the Father what she has, and the rest will come in time. 

During Jesus’ time, the ancient Israelites believed that the heart was the body's control center. It was the location of the “inner self.” So when Jesus says He wants our hearts, He means He wants the innermost you. He wants all of you. The most you of you.

Sometimes, after we come to Jesus, we hope that the life of sin and shame is done. But coming to Jesus doesn’t mean a life of perfection. It means a life of redemption, grace, kindness, and love with the One who is Perfect.

 But what happens when you fall back, and that thing that you swore you would never do, you do. I know this scene is not in the Scriptures, but I believe in the truth of the Spirit working in it. 

The Lord desires our hearts. Our intentions. Our minds focused on Him. His love. His mercy. His perfection. 

It’s good to look inside. It’s great to feel with the Lord and embrace the suck with Jesus. It could be the loss of a job, a friendship where an argument went way too far, or someone left your life that you never thought would.

You don’t have to pretend. Not with God. He knows the groans of our hearts, the pain we feel, and the “I wonder how she’s doing?” It also tells us it’s time to pray. It’s time to bring these questions, suffering, hurt, hope, desire, and longing to God. 

If God took something away that you thought you could never lose, imagine the joy you’ll feel when He invites the thing you never thought you could have. 

I’ll let you in on a little secret: it won’t be a girl. It won’t be a job. It’ll be Himself. 

The thing that our hearts long for is our Father. Our hearts long for the embrace back home from God after we’ve just sat in a pig pen, or got a hot dog at 3 AM on a Saturday.

Maybe you long for the peace that comes from leaving a lunch where the topics surround the Savior of the world and the realness and fullness of life shared with someone who listens, prays, and cares. 

When we think about going to the things that used to leave us dead may we think, Where has this taken me before? Is this really going to bring me what I really desire, fullness of life with God? Is this walking in the light? Or will it cause shame and regret? 

Intimacy with God. 

Intimacy with others

Intimacy with His truth

Healing is on the other side of a broken prayer. Sometimes it takes saying, 'Enough is enough, God.' I’ve tried it my way, I want to know Yours! Through tears. Through praise. Through real. 

God is the redeemer. He is the one that you can bring your deepest and darkest insecurities and invite Him in. No Father, when you ask for bread, would give their child a snake. These words of the only Son of God, Jesus, ring true. 

He’s the perfect Father. He knows what you need before you do. 

I’d encourage you to take the time and ask the Lord, Where are You? Where were you when this happened? How come I had to go through this? Why does it feel like you have forsaken me? 

Let’s be honest with God. As we learn to be real with God, I believe we can be honest with others. The Lord is slow to anger, and He heals through the most unexpected ways. 

He uses people, burning bushes, clouds, wrestling, the parting of the Sea, and a child born in a manger. He uses dogs and bible studies. He uses Chick-fil-A workers and that one cashier at Publix who brightened your day. 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. 

God sent His Son to carry a cross and be nailed to it, mocked and ridiculed, and die for you. To fix what was broken. To redeem you. To heal you. To show you, you are His. 

I want to be a tea guy. I love Yerba Mate tea, and from my teammate's wise instruction, I’ve learned how to drink it the way he does in Uruguay. He’s one of the smartest and sharpest players I’ve played with. He is also one of the kindest. 

He showed me how to make the tea, how to balance the Yerba, and how much water to add. Which kind of gourd to get, what temperature to set the water to, and which Yerba to buy. He showed me and went above and beyond to help me. Drinking Yerba is a communal experience. You can drink alone for a caffeine boost, or you can share it with others in joy. It’s truly something special. 

This kind of kindness resembles Jesus. He doesn’t shame you when you know nothing of the Bible, or when you walk into a bible study hoping to grow deeper with God knowing nothing. He doesn’t shame you for not knowing the lyrics to the songs at church, and all you want to praise is all you have. 

As He told Mary, He wants our hearts. 

He wants you as you are. 

So let’s start there. 

Lord Jesus, I give you my heart today. Whatever is holding me back from You, I lay it at Your feet. I want to give my whole heart to You today. Enough is enough. I chose You, Jesus. 

Our prayers don’t have to sound fancy; they have to be what your heart really wants to say. They have to be real. They can be broken, scared, and, hopefully, discouraged. The destination is the most important. It’s Jesus. 

Maybe you haven’t had the Mary Magdelan moment. Perhaps you don’t know what the smell of a hot dog from Broadway smells like on your clothes the next day. But I wonder if we can all share in wondering, “Why God?” Or “How God?”

Living with Jesus is not God loving us despite our humanity, but God loving us as we are. And He loves you to much for you to live broken. A life with Jesus is a life transformed.

Matthew 6:33 - “But seek (aim at) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.”

Lord, I just want You.